Sunday, May 3, 2009

End of April/ Start of May

Last month was not a huge success.  I totally gave up on staying outside for an hour a day.  It is harder than it sounds.  I also did a crappy job of documenting my spending.  I did, however, try really hard to not help where help was not asked.  I started to notice that I have a tendency to offer up advice or assistance even when not prompted.  It made me think about why I do this and if it is conscious or sub-conscious.  It turns out that it is nearly completely subconscious.  I truly just want to help people out by sharing what I know or think or by doing something.  Unfortunately the part of my brain that tell me to wait until you actually ask for help does not seem to be functioning.  So for most of April, I was trying to only comment or assist on something when someone would ask.  Most of the time that someone was my wife.  I know I am helpful=hardest on her most days.  I guess I always think I am trying to make things better.  Whatever.  I now realize that not caring as much and not try to make things or people better is so much less stressful.  Now, I still do it try to help, but now I try to not care as much about not helping if people do not ask for it.  One byproduct  is that I used to feel bad if I could not help someone who needed it, and now I really do not feel anything.  Cold, perhaps, but it seems to be what most people prefer today.  This may not make sense to most people if you do not already know me...but not thinking about others as much is so much easier.  I feel like Peter in Office Space, "I just don't care."  Well that is not completely true - I still do care and it adds some stress at times.  But I am trying to care less overall and learning that I do not have to share every thought with those around me. I know who my friends are who I can have that exchange with - the ones I can still say anything to at any time.  And they know who they are.  That is enough for me. 
It's late - let me post a new experiment before I fall asleep.